i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
