your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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