he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
