So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
