Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
