God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
soo... how was my night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
