At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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