I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
