dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
