OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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