I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize