i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
