If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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