but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
