Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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