explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I love having hate sex.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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