you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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