I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
