whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
