please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
