I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
