yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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