Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
