dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
