So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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