omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Non-Jews are for practice
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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