drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
