dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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