I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
