I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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