Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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