just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
