Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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