Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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