He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
