I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize