Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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