porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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