Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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