if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
