Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize