the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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