I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
