So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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