Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i came on her dog
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
