Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
