Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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