Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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