you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
