Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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