We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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