I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
