Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
