I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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