Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize