He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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