i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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