I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
