Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
