dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
