yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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